Instant gratification drives our entire generation. Even the best people are obsessed with themselves. No one ever appreciates what they have because they think that it could always be better. And by the looks of instagram it could. Even if you pride yourself on the level of depth you aspire to; you’re lying to yourself. You accept the connections that you think you deserve. That doesn’t mean that it’s actually what you deserve.
Isn’t the point of your twenties to find out who you are, who you want to be, and take steps toward that? Or maybe your twenties are your time to talk the talk. I know hate is a strong word, but I hate the things people convince themselves they care about. I hate this attitude that people my age have that there is so much time. We’re either too urgent out of a lack of patience, and ruin things or relationships because instead of working on it we’re stacking it up to the unrealistic ideal that a society obsessed with social media models. On the contrary we put things off we want because we don’t know if they will work, or are worried they won’t as if to assume we have all of the time in the world. Guess what? We don’t. We get one life. And, instead of treating that as a negative and constantly worrying that what you’re doing is the wrong thing, or that there’s something better. Appreciate what you fucking have. Make it better. Or don’t. Never allow yourself any happiness because “what if…”
All we have are choices.
Today I chose to stop being okay with instant gratification. I don’t want it anymore. I don’t want pointless first dates. I don’t want small talk. I don’t want likes. I don’t want friends that are fun. I don’t want anything less than time well spent creating memories to last a lifetime with people that are important. I don’t want to be good at a lot of little things. I don’t want more. I want better.
I want to trust. I want to love with my eyes wide open, and live everyday more passionately. I don’t want to rush. I’m used to moving on, but just once I want to finish what I start. I want to mean something. I want my choices to change the world or at least one person. I want to forgive. I want to believe. I want to remind people that hope isn’t a lost cause. I want to silence any fear of feeling that there is. I will be the change I want to see.
I had an interview last week, and the interviewer said something that at the time I was almost offended by. For some reason now it’s all I can think about. He said, “Good enough, isn’t.” That part I liked, but I chose to ignore the thing he said next until now. “A master of everything, is a master of nothing.”
One day my efforts will mean more than the instant gratification that anyone can provide. I refuse to grow up into an adult who lets roadblocks, or hard work, deter my belief that anything is possible.
Social media is the the leader of indecision. I am not an option. I am the option, so today I killed the part of me that indulges in things that don’t matter. I made the decision to choose myself.
I will welcome the loneliness that creeps in after this. I’ll go to hot yoga, and watch the same movies over and over again. I’ll be depressed. Eventually that’ll go away, and I’ll get excited when I look in the mirror and recognize the person looking back one day.